Dawson

Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity. ~Henry Van Dyke

The gap

The gap between those who have lost children and those who have not is profoundly difficult to bridge. No one whose children are well and intact can be expected to understand what parents who have lost children have absorbed and what they bear. Our children come to us through every blade of grass, every crack in the sidewalk, every bowl of breakfast cereal. We seek contact with their atoms, their hairbrush, their toothbrush, their clothing. We reach for what was integrally woven into the fabric of our lives, now torn and shredded. A black hole has been blown through our souls and, indeed, it often does not allow the light to escape. It is a difficult place. To enter there is to be cut deeply, and torn anew each time we go there, by the jagged edges of our loss. Yet we return, again and again, for that is where our children now reside. This will be so for years to come and it will change us profoundly. At some point in the distant future, the edges of that hole will have tempered and softened but the empty space will remain - a life sentence. Our friends will change through this. There is no avoiding it. We grieve for our children, in part, through talking about them and our feelings in having lost them. Some go there with us, others cannot and through their denial - a further measure, however unwittingly, is added to an already heavy burden. Assuming that we may be feeling "better" in six months is simply "to not get it." The excruciating and isolating reality that bereaved parents feel is hermetically sealed from the nature of any other human experience. Thus it is a trap - those, whose compassion and insight we need most, are those for whom we abhor the experience that would allow them that sensitivity and capacity. And yet, somehow there are those, each in their own fashion, who have found a way to reach us and stay, to our comfort. They have understood, again each in their own way, that our children remain our children through our memory of them. Their memory is sustained through speaking about them and our feelings about their death. Deny this and you deny their life. Deny their life and you no longer have a place in ours. We recognize that we have moved to an emotional place where it is often very difficult to reach us. Our attempts to be normal are painful and the day to day carries a silent, screaming anguish that accompanies us; sometimes from moment to moment. Were we to give it its own voice we fear we would become truly unreachable, and so we remain "strong" for a host of reasons, even as the strength saps our energy and drains our will. Were we to act out our true feelings we would be impossible to be with. We resent having to act normal, yet we dare not do otherwise. People who understand this dynamic are our gold standard. Working our way through this over the years will change us as does every experience - and extreme experience changes one extremely. We know we will have recovered when, as we have read, it is no longer so painful to be normal. We do not know who we will be at that point or who will still be with us. We have read that the gap is so difficult that, often, bereaved parents must attempt to reach out to friends and relatives or risk losing them. This is our attempt. For those untarnished by such events, who wish to know in some way what they, thankfully, do not know, read this. It may provide a window that is helpful for both sides of the gap.

Dawson's Poem

A good friend wrote this poem for us.  I read it almost everyday.  I helps!  I thought I would share it you all.  I hope you like it.

Daddy I know you're sad and your heart is hurtiing so
I'm happy here in heaven and there's something you should know.

The day I left you and mommy was not an accident at all
It was just my time to go back home to answer our Lord's call.

You are the best daddy and I love you very much
I will always be here with you even if we cannot touch.

Mommy you are so pretty, please know things will be alright
Remember I'm with you always....In the darkness I'll be your light.

Brinley, Aubrey, and Cooper I will think of you everyday
I can't wait until we are all together again and can play.

Please try not to question God, don't think he is unkind
Don't think he sent me to you and then changed his mind.

You see I'm a special child, I am needed up above
I'm the special gift you gave Him, a product of your love.

I'll always be here with you, so watch the sky at night
Look for the brightest star and know it's my halo's brilliant light.

You'll see me in the morning frost that mists your window pane
That's me in the summer showers, I'll be dancing in the rain.

When you feel a gentle breeze from a soft wind that blows
Know that it's me planting a kiss upon your nose.

When you see a child playing and your heart feels a tug
Don't be sad that's just me giving your heart a hug.

Daddy don't look so sad and mommy please don't cry
I'm in the arms of Jesus and he sings me lullabies!

I am not sure how many of you got to see the video that my sister-in-law Tara put together for the funeral it was simply amazing. So I thought I would put it on his blog-spot so that everyone could see what a fun loving child he was. (Hope I can figure it out).  Also just want to again thank all the meals that people and resturants have provided for us.  It has been a needed break not to have to worry about that famous question. (What's for dinner?) Please continue to pray for us so that we might peace and comfort in the days to come. Love, Forever Mommy (Sharlotte) 

A have heard from a few people that they would love to help but are not able to because of the distance !
We have solution if you are not able to meet me on the few days that I travel to salt lake for work you can always pick out a gift card from a local restaurant in Logan and I would be more then happy to pick it up and deliver it to them!!!
 WaLa you have made them dinner!
you can contact me 8016992515

WE are working on March since February is now full for meals !!!!

I also know that once again Our company has turned off the vac/user donation but the paypal will always be open !

If you haven't yet it's simple just click on the donate button on the bottom of the page!!!

More Love every day

Update

Jess & Stephanie and I have had a busy busy day!!!!

Labor of Love !!!!

We only have a few days available for you to show your love
Feb 24, 25, 26 & 28th.

please text me 801-699-2515

I need to Thank all the Restaurants that have so graciously donated meals for the night, month and for as long as we need:

Jaclyn from Sophisticated Cakes in Sandy
Maddox Family Restaurant
Copper mill and Elements Restaurants
Great harvest
Cafe Rio
Olive Garden
Texas Roadhouse
Cold stone creamery
Kneaders
Costa Vida
Cafe Rio
Angie's
Logan Hero's
Temptation Cup cakes
Firehouse Pizza
Noodles & Company

I am in aha how wonderful Logan is and how willing they all are to help!!!

Always remember the Donate button is at the bottom of the post !!!!!

Project #1
We need to send our love for the next month or maybe two!!!!

 I would like to give the billings family a vacation from cooking

so calling all cooks, we need you !!!!

Text me for more details and to be given a day to show your love 8016992515
Heart hugs Ivy